I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
