I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
