I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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