I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
