grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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