Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
