dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
