Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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