I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
