you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
