Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
