Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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