Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i drank out of a bidet.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
