i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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