I am in a vortex of obligation.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
