guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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