I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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