Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i think i just lost a toe
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