haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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