My first STD was from a foam party
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
