3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
