she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
