Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
