May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
