the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
