it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
