when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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