Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
