She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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