im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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