Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize