...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
