You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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