Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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