great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
