I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
