My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
