A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
