i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
