her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
