All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
