Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
