I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
