No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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