just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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