I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
