he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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