i just google imaged poop.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Come on in and take your pants off
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