Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
