He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
