I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
