I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm too high and old for this...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
