Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
