12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
