ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I die, sorry about rent.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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