I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Congratulations! We have a period
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
