she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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