i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize