she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
