I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
