Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
