i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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