your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
