Your mouth is God's brothel.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
