Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
