Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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