I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize