either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
