yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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