just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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