You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
