New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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